Monday, June 25, 2012

How to Sneak Purse Vodka Into a Mets Game (or anywhere else there's security checking your purse)

So I went to the Mets/Yankees game last night. Mets lost. Wah wah. But at least I didn't spend a crap load of money drinking while I watched them lose! How is that, you ask? Refer to: title of this blog. Most people probably wonder how I manage to have my PV with me at all times, even after going through security "check points" and enduring awkward versions of the Terry Frisk performed by the rent-a-cops.

Here's what you do: put PV in a makeup bag. Put tampons and midol on top of the PV. Zip up the makeup bag. Put makeup bag inside purse. Watch the security guard's mildly embarrassed facial expression as he unzips the bag just before handing it back to you and sending you on your merry way. Tada! Your purse vodka just became Mets vodka.

Oh, and remember to bring the peanuts! Once you see the bags of peanuts selling for $6 a pop inside the field, you'll be glad you did. And as always, don't forget to pack an empty Starbucks cup and some sort of mixer; Citifield allows each person to bring in one unopened juice box. That way you avoid having to pay for a mixer once inside. Because, as anyone who has been keeping up with this blog already knows, having to spend any money at all (even on mixers) in order to intoxicate yourself is frowned upon.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Getting into 'cover charge' clubs

Okay whyever the hell a bar would charge chicks a cover charge is beyond me, but if you ever encounter one of these sketchy establishments here's what to do:

-'Miss, cover charge is $10'
--'Oh thats weird, uhmmm, we dont have any cash....'
-'Oh okay just come in then, no big deal'
--'Oh ok thank you'

Just act blonde... works every time.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

New York (Open) Bar Networking Event

Ok so here's how it works:

Step 1: Find a legit networking event.

Step 2: Convince your school to pay the attendance fee.

Step 3: Enjoy free beer & wine for about 3 hours. (Would have been 4 if I was not fashionably late as usual)

Purse vodka was not even needed in this instance.

Bonus: free gift bag for Theresa, my co-attendee.

Another bonus: we met some really fun people! Our favorite? A woman from Dallas who happened to only be there to watch her friend speak. She said we had the "right idea" sitting, rather than awkwardly standing around, as she joined us at (what we had turned into) our pub table. Of course we would get along best with the Texan, since it just so happens that we both have besties there. (Shout out, Brookie Cookie!)

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Second Avenue Purse Vodka Crawl

To drink a beer at every bar throughout the night can be a challenge, especially with the amount of bars along Second Avenue. So you can imagine how much harder it was when my cheap ass turned it into a Purse Vodka Crawl because I did not want to spend money on beer. So, to stay true to my practices of not spending a dime when I go out around here, I ordered a club soda and then added a shot of purse vodka at each of the following places:

Pony Bar

Stumble Inn

Brother Jimmy's


And as per usual we ended the night at Uptown Lounge. (Check out the "lightbulb" lamps... so cool!)

After all that purse vodka, the Purse Vodka Dance was performed numerous times during the walk back home. This flash-mob-esque dance is done properly when it is most unexpected, in large crowds of people.

Ladies & gentlemen, I give you: the Purse Vodka Dance.

Total amount spent: $0

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Broke & Hungry?

If you find yourself really hungry in between meals but are a cheap motherf**ker like me, you probably don't want to spend any money on a snack. No munchies in your pantry and no billz in the wallet? No worries! Take a stroll up 2nd Avenue(between 75th & 85th streets) and stop for a free sample in every yogurt shop along the way. These delightful lil shops are plentiful along this strip, so if you hit all of them, you end up with the same amount of frozen yogurt in your belly as the fool who pays full price for a whole one. Plus, all that walking is probably enough exercise to come out from the calorie battle about even.

Make sure to try the "birthday cake" flavor from Pinkberry. It's fantastical.

I'll take that to-go, please!

For purse vodka transporting purposes or pregaming-on-the-subway purposes, be sure to use plastic cups. They are not only the best type of vodka carriers, but they're also easy to rinse, store in your purse, & re-use later. Starbucks cups are ideal because they have lids. Cardboard cups get soggy & leak, and styro cups crumble when you put them back in your purse.

So, there you have it. You're welcome.

VIP in Meatpacking: Dress Up, Drink it Down(for free, of course)

Bars > Clubs

I've been saying that^^ for the past, like, 10 years. And thennnn the Meat Packing District happened. "You girls are fucking hot. Just go to the front of the line."

Ok so combine free alcohol, "VIP" tables, bypassing of ridiculously long lines filled with Eurotrash, and BOOM- you have found the Meatpacking District.

This place pretty much stands for everything I... can't stand. But, where else in Manhattan can you drink ALL night, while being protected from creepers via VIP security?

Or use a table full of top shelf vodka as a foot rest?


Or not get weird looks when you drunkenly decide it is a good idea to dance on top of some table?

...All for free.

This is how it's done: Go out and find yourself a Tel Aviv-ian promoter friend. He will blow up your phone nightly. But, for that one time every 6 weeks when you actually feel like going OUT-OUT, it will be worth it. And you will have an amazeballs time.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Random Thought for the Day

Whenever possible...steal straws. You will always need these magical tools when you're drinking purse vodka on the go.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Tip #2

Listen to your rich neighbor talk about himself for approx 30 minutes. When he goes inside to get you the "best of the best," do not worry, you WILL get an armload of free FIJI water.

This is your complete guide to being a broke bitch who wants to have fun in Manhattan and still be able to pay her rent,,,

Broke Bitch #1: What the eff are we going do tonight? This place is so crazy expensive....

Broke Bitch #2: Have no fear, purse vodka is here!

Living in Manhattan can definitely rack up a heavy bill, but if you are a cheap college student who likes to have fun we have the solution for you my friend. Being a broke bitch is not frowned upon in this establishment and we will guide you through every step of the way.

Broke Bitch TIP #1:

Never, and I say NEVER, pay for a mixed drink in this city. Purse vodka is the answer for every fun having experience and you should never leave home without it. Take a tip from 'Kesha' and fill an empty water bottle with your own vodka of choice and have enormous amounts of fun. But order a beer every now and again just so you don't blow your cover.